Travel Vibes11

I am a middle class white woman and I am not an expert on society, prejudice nor social psychology. I base my like or dislike of any individual on who they are as a person, their character, moral compass and humanity, not the color of their skin, ethnic heritage, religious beliefs nor sexual interests. To that degree I believe we all start life on a level playing field.  But when it comes to the reality of day to day life are we really all the same? Well, from my experience and observation we are most definitely NOT the same.  Now before you get your panties in a twist, finish reading. I believe we are the same ethically, morally, spiritually, emotionally and to a great extent physically. Where we differ is in perception of others and in how we must respond to that perception.

I was raised in an area whose population is 99.9% white. I was raised by parents who literally did not know black people, or for that matter anyone who was not white. Their prejudice was one that stemmed not from hate, but from a fear of the unknown, but that fear created a prejudice just the same. Fortunately that prejudice did not become a part of who I am for which I am thankful.

I have tried to raise my son to treat others as he wants to be treated. I remember the day my son came home from school in 1st grade and asked me ‘why is Mary’s skin brown’. Mary was his best friend since kindergarten, a girl, a black girl, the only black child in his class and 1 of 3 black children in the entire school. My reply came as easily as if I was answering what color is the grass. I said as much as we are the same we are all different and unique. Some people have blue eyes some green, some black hair others red, some black skin others white. My son accepted the answer as easily as I said it and for us it was that simple, but what I also realize is that sadly it is NOT as simple as that.

As a white woman, when I walk down a street no one holds their purse tighter. When I walk in a store, security does not nonchalantly follow me. When I drive a sports car, I don’t get pulled over for no reason. The sad reality is that black people are perceived differently than white by much of society, and white people cannot comprehend what that feels like. Some say this is not true, that profiling is exaggerated, but I suspect it is only whites who feel it is exaggerated.

I got a little first hand glimpse when I was a passenger in a sports car pulled over by a police officer.  A friend was driving, a black male. We were not speeding, no lights were out, inspection and registration were valid, we were by all accounts stopped for no apparent reason.  What I witnessed was an eye opener,  an educated professional man with military clearance being interrogated like he was a known street thug. Then that same officer turned and questioned if I was okay in a rather accusatory tone, asking if I was in need of assistance and if I was in the car by my own choice. No this was not 1955 in the deep south, it was 2015 in upstate New York.  It took me some time to process what happened. Even as a 40 something year old I was naïve in that reality of the world, and after that experience I was appalled and ashamed of being white. I revisited the feelings from that experience when I watched an episode of Grey’s Anatomy that dealt with police brutality. As I watched the scene of Miranda and Ben talking to their 13 year old son Tuck I was overwhelmed with feelings.  Feelings of gratitude that this is not my son’s reality, feelings of intense remorse for my friends for whom this IS a reality, feelings of guilt at the unfairness of the previous two, feelings of hatred toward corrupt cops who profile this way, and feelings of pure disgust for the people in our society who act with such hate and racism. How can you treat another human being like this?  We are all the same flesh and blood, no matter the color of our skin.

We are all the same, but no we really are not. As white people we simply can not comprehend what it means to be black, even today.  It still boggles my mind that the civil rights movement happened in my lifetime. How is it possible that people were treating other people with such disrespect and inhumanity less than 50 years ago. How was/is thinking so deranged and corrupt to think that the color of a person’s skin somehow makes them any less worthy, any less valuable, any less of a human. Even more horrifying is the resurgence of this mentality. I believe people are entitled to their own opinions, but not when it is born of and fueled by hate. So although I believe we are all the same, I now know that from some perspectives we sadly are not.